Welcome to my house

I saw this photo on Facebook and thought it would be appropriate to write about Charlie's rules regarding visitors. At his house:

1. I'm easily excitable. You must deal with that mood, and that mood only. I've been called "tazy" before by a little kid. All I wanted to do was jump on him when I was excited. He called me crazy. I was just excited.
2. When you arrive, I will make monkey noises. Don't question it. 
3. It is my house. I will greet you. After the monkey noises subside, I will jump on you. Just go with it.
4. You can sit down if you want. But I will jump on your lap, lather your face with my tongue, wrap my front paws around your face or neck, and smother you with my body. You will love all of this. I love you.
5. I live here, you can stay and live here too. Really, my parents won't mind if you move in.
6. My parents don't exist while you are in my house. I will follow you everywhere. Yes, even to the restroom.
7. My parents claim I'm a good dog. But in your presence... impossible.
8. I know you have seen all the cute pictures of me being adorable, sleepy, and obeying my parents' rules. None of that behavior will ever be observed by you.
9. If you don't show me affection, you will be asked to leave my house.
10. Don't leave me.